


Just Friends

by bidness



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Flirting, Jealous Alec Lightwood, Lydia's not really in it much, M/M, Malec, More Angst for good measure, Oneshot, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Magnus Bane, Pandemonium Club (Shadowhunter Chronicles), Pining, Romance, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, just friends but not really, lovesick Magnus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:54:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23139580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bidness/pseuds/bidness
Summary: The Law is hard but it is the Law, and the Law says that Alexander Gideon Lightwood and Lydia Branwell are husband and wife. They’re just two pieces on a chess board, two pawns used for politics that he has no part and no right to be a factor in. It isn't fair to any of them, but fairness doesn't matter when it comes to shadowhunters, and Magnus Bane is just a silly warlock madly in love with the one person he can’t have.Canon divergence in which Magnus is too late to stop the wedding. Moments between him and Alec, with lots of internal angst and "just friends". Might add to it later, but as is it's complete and any subsequent chapters that may (or may not) happen will finish on a conclusion.
Relationships: Lydia Branwell/Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 16
Kudos: 112





	Just Friends

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I just recently finished the Shadowhunters TV show and absolutely fell in love with Malec, so I toyed around with this idea in my head. I haven't read the books (yet) so any features/storyline I'm using as reference is purely from the show. Hopefully at least someone likes it!
> 
> This is my first SH fic ever, so apologies in advance!

There was something to be said for the soft longing and aching that seeps into the innermost parts of your body and soul when you're watching the one you want. The yearning and desire pounding through his heart made Magnus Bane no different than any other warlock, vampire, or mundane who had felt this way. Only he really, really shouldn't. Especially not when Alec was standing across the room, his hand hovering near Lydia's back not quite touching her but close enough that Magnus is sure she feels the comforting warmth.

  
  


And how he wants so badly for that to be him.

  
  


_No_ , he scolds himself and turns to face Jace, Isabelle, and Clary who are whispering among themselves. They're eager to get back to their mission. Magnus can't blame them, anything is better than being stuck in this room with all the superficial happiness thickening the air and making it hard for him to breathe. Nobody is actually happy for this wedding, except perhaps Maryse Lightwood.

  
  


Magnus feels the distaste souring his mouth and glances in Maryse's direction to acknowledge the narrowed eyes with a raised glass. She isn't pleased that he's there and in all honesty Magnus knows he's not welcome in any way by anyone but the small group next to him.

  
  


He was surprised when he heard Isabelle's sweet voice pleading with him to come and stop her brother from making this mistake from the other end of his cell phone, but even his assurance that her brother was old enough to make his own choices didn't quell her.

  
  


He was too late, in the end. By the time he stepped into the entrance of the ceremony hall the cheers and clapping drowned out everything except for the roar or regret pounding in his ears at the sight of Alec lip-locked with Lydia. He remembers a small palm squeeze at his arm, a sympathetic attempt at comfort from Isabelle, but he couldn't take his eyes away from the one thing that finally opened up his heart after all these years slipping away from him.

  
  


When Maryse finally breaks contact with him he allows himself the moment to let his gaze wander back to the happy couple and his heart beats just a bit quicker when he's met with steely hazel eyes. There it is again. The yearning is back, cold and heavy in his veins and he can see the turmoil swimming through Alec's expression. He wants to come to Magnus. It's Magnus' body he wants to be standing next to. Maybe the smiles wouldn't be fake and forced, but there's no possibility of that now, not in this reality.

  
  


Sadly, this is the reality they are living in, and all Magnus can muster up is one exactly forced and fake smile towards Alec to match the rest of his guests. He can see the twitch in his brow, how clearly he can read Alec, and he knows he's offended him but there's no letting up his facade of the perfect groom, host, and son. So he sets his jaw, straightens his back and plants his hand firmly against Lydia's back, his resigned expression matching the deep breath that fills his lungs like it's his last.

  
  


He makes a point not to look towards Magnus again for the rest of the night, and Magnus is both thankful and heartbroken.

  
  


\--

  
  


The next time Magnus sees Alec is when he's been summoned to the Institute by a frantic Clary to awaken Jocelyn.

  
  


Alec has made himself scarce since his nuptials, and has seen to it that Magnus isn't always the first warlock that the Institute calls upon when they need help, which Magnus' heart and energy is secretly grateful for. Being the high warlock has it's duties and he's never one to turn down helping others as long as he's handsomely paid, but the payment he wants from the Institute is not something he knows he's allowed to ask for anymore. He may be generous but there's only so much he can do, and even less that he's willing to do.

  
  


"Magnus," his name comes out of Alec's mouth a little breathless and shocked, but not unwanted. He's flattered.

  
  


"Alexander," Magnus replies, equally breathless though feigning shock because he already knew Alec would be here. The light reflects off Alec's eyes in a way that make them almost seem to sparkle and Magnus feels that pang in his chest at the sight of what could have been a daily occurrence for him. They share a look, quick but noticeable before Magnus saunters closer to the group, Clary rushing close to press the book of the white in his hands.

  
  


"Magnus, thank you so much!"

  
  


"Don't thank me yet, biscuit. My magic is strong, but there's always a chance it may not work." Magnus doesn't believe that his magic will fail, but stranger things have happened and though he's honestly the best chance they have, it's always safer to cover his bases.

  
  


Isabelle places a hand on his shoulder in reassurance and he chances a look at Alec to muster up the last bit of strength he needs before he gets started. The sooner Jocelyn is awake, the sooner he can return to his martini waiting for him at home.

  
  


\--

  
  


A knock at his door is never a surprise for Magnus, but at this time of night when he's not expecting anyone is enough for him to raise an eyebrow. He sets Chairman Meow down from his lap and glides over to the door with his drink firmly gripped in his hand unwilling to let it go yet as he slowly opens the door.

  
  


Alec is there in all his messy-haired beauty, eyes wide with a concerning combination of worry and excitement, though the latter only seems to last a second before it's drowned out by the former. He looks crazed and Magnus wishes with all of him that that crazed look came from the sheer overwhelming desire to see him. But he knows that it's not and he does his best to not sag his shoulders as he steps aside to let Alec in.

  
  


"Mr. Lightwood," Magnus begins, and despite his best attempt to stay composed he can't help the sharp bite that comes out in his next words. "Or would you prefer Mr. Branwell? I think it’s more than obvious who makes the decisions in your marriage."

  
  


If he thought Alec looked crazed before he's never seen the infuriated glare he’s currently wearing now and Magnus quickly makes his way to the lounge chair to get away from it. But Alec keeps stride with him, quicker even, rounding on Magnus when the warlock finally stops.

  
  


"Excuse me?" His breath is hot against Magnus' face, and the faint icy scent of mint wafts through his senses, as though Alec brushed his teeth before coming over. His stomach twists uncomfortably at the implications of that thought. Now face-to-face with the furious shadowhunter, Magnus decides it’s probably best not to get into the specifics of his marriage, and his curiosity of why Alec is storming into his home at this time of night is enough for him to switch tactics.

  
  


"Can I help you, Alexander? Could you not bare the thought of being without me for another minute?"

  
  


He's pleased with the light pink that blossoms on the other man's face, and although he told himself he would never cross that line with someone who's taken Alec brings something out in him and he can't reign it in. "I – no. Stop that," Alec raises a finger between them that Magnus tries hard not to reach out and bite. He’s trying to erase the anger, not keep it going. "I'm here because I need your help. Valentine has Jace and I can't track him."

  
  


Magnus’ first instinct is to roll his eyes and yell for these kids to stop getting themselves kidnapped but he knows Valentine, and he knows how real the threat is. His second is to reach out and pull Alec into his arms and soothe away his worries. He chooses to go with neither. "My services do not come for free."

  
  


Alec lets out a breath of relief. "Anything," he says, and Magnus wants to shake out the habit of not setting limits on what he's willing to offer someone for help. He’s always been one to take an opportunity when it’s placed in front of him, and Alec does look particularly yummy tonight. His traitorous mind takes him back to when he was willing to accept the young nephilim as payment and he takes a deep gulp of the liquor in his hand to vanish the foreign jittery feeling rising up in him.

  
  


"You. Again."

  
  


"Magnus, I'm – "

  
  


"Married? Yes, I'm well aware." He knows the bitterness in his tone is not lost on Alec but he doesn't care. "I'm not asking for anything romantic," he pauses, and takes this small break to consider what he's about to ask of the shadowhunter. It's not a good idea, he knows this, and every receptor in his brain is trying to signal to him that of all the possibilities for this moment, this is the wrong choice. But despite how he jokes about how Alec misses him, he knows it's his heart that feels the loss. "I want us to be friends."

  
  


There's a moment where Magnus thinks that Alec might laugh. Followed by a moment where he thinks maybe he's broken the poor man's brain with such a simple request. Okay, maybe it's not simple and actually a rather loaded request, but Magnus has standards and beliefs similar to Alec’s and he knows in his heart he would never push Alec into anything he wouldn't be comfortable with. More importantly, he knows his heart and how hollow it's been since the night Alec became Lydia’s and Magnus was shut off from a part of him that he had begun to witness and would now never get the chance to.

  
  


Yes, he's kept his heart sealed tight for so long without respite, but Alec truly did awaken something in him and he can't deny that as long as the young nephilim is still breathing Magnus wants to be right there beside him. Even as just a friend. It's a terrible idea, anyone and everyone will tell him so he knows it, and it's going to hurt to see him grow old with someone that isn't him… But a life without knowing Alec is not one he wants to live, not if he has the opportunity. And Magnus reminds himself that he’s nothing if not opportunistic.

  
  


"Friends?" The word comes out soft and breaks a bit, but at least Alec's eyes have moved on from half-crazed to surprised, albeit suspicious, and Magnus knows that's warranted.

  
  


"Friends," Magnus shifts a bit closer, completely expecting Alec to back away from him, but doesn't show his smile when he doesn't. "I know I've pushed you before, but I'm being sincere. I may not be able to have you how I would like, so I want the next best thing. And besides," he summons another glass of his drink and slips it into Alec's hand. "Having a warlock for a friend has it’s perks, don’t you agree?"

  
  


Alec stands there, drink in hand with a dumbfounded expression and a war going on in his mind. Magnus can see the subtle clues on his face, and he prides himself on his ability to keep composure. Although, he has had centuries to perfect that ability, but that’s beside the point.

  
  


"I – well... I su-suppose." Alec swallows thickly, uses all his effort on stammering out those few words of agreement and Magnus hears the roar of victory swimming in his ears. Nothing can stop the wide grin forming on his lips and he sees Alec's gaze travel down to them as he swipes a pale pink tongue across his own.

  
  


The room feels suddenly hot, and Magnus' usual air of confidence is gently guided away to make room for nerves as he flicks his eyes up and down between the stormy hazel eyes in front of him and now shining lips. He wants to lean in, practically feels the pull that this is what should be, that his lips should be on Alec's. He knows it's wrong, he's just proposed a platonic friendship on this boy and not 5 minutes later is on the verge of ruining everything. But this… _thing_ between them is so strong and palpable that Magnus can practically see it drawing them together.

  
  


He's being greedy, the logical part of his mind snaps. He's being selfish and he knows he's taking advantage of Alec in a time of need, but he hardly cares anymore. He wants Alec, in any and every way he possibly can. And if he can't have what he truly wants, is it really so wrong for him to do anything he can for what’s left?

  
  


"Wonderful," Magnus breathes, and he'd be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the shiver he sees run through Alec's body.

  
  


"We can discuss... _this_... later. Right now I need your help finding Jace."

  
  


"But of course, my dear. Let's get going, shall we?" It’s easy for Magnus to step back into his charismatic persona as he creates a portal and offers Alec a winning smile and an outstretched hand. Alec takes his hand without a second thought and Magnus tries not to let the spark of magic when their skin touches affect him.

  
  


\--

  
  


There's a quiet lull in shadowhunter activities in which Magnus is needed and it gives him just the time he needs to truly relax and think about the course that he's set his life on. Alec had been a constant presence in most of his days now, the past few weeks opening up a bond between them that left Magnus invigorated and longing for more. He had kept his word that he wouldn't push Alec for anything that would make him ill at ease, but so far that had included everything he did.

  
  


The flirting didn't stop, it was part of who Magnus was down in his core and he couldn't hold in the purrs and innuendos that reddened the young shadowhunter’s cheeks with anger and embarrassment. Nor could he stop the casual brushes of his fingers along Alec's arms or shoulders, or stop them from curling a stray lock of hair back into place.

  
  


Most of the time Alec would just give him a pointed look that Magnus would brush off with the shrug of his shoulder and a prompt change in topic. Once in a while however, Alec would let his gaze rest on Magnus', his eyes deep and troubled and holding so many things behind them that Magnus wished he could unlock. It took every cell in his body to pull away when that happened.

  
  


This particular evening had Magnus and Alec in Hunter's Moon, engrossed in a lighthearted game of billiards. Their conversation had transitioned between many things, such as news about Institute politics that had Alec ruffled and grumpy, to Clary and Jace and the never ending drama that seemed to swirl them up into an absolute mess.

  
  


"It's just hard to focus sometimes, y'know? We're parabatai, I can feel all that he feels but he won't talk to me about it." Alec is frustrated and he misses his shot, letting out a groan that Magnus tries not to savor and lock away in his mind.

  
  


He's always been curious about this whole parabatai situation, and he and Alec are close enough at this point that he can voice those questions. "So if you can feel these issues he has going on deep within, is it safe to say he can feel the same of you?" Magnus grips the cue and leans over the table to set up his next shot, feeling Alec's eyes watching his every purposely languorous move.

  
  


"Yes," he replies bluntly.

  
  


Magnus takes a moment to churn this information over in his mind. He takes the few steps that separate the two of them and leans in closer to Alec, his voice low and deep and reverberating in the small space between them. He can see and feel the moment Alec's breath shudders out of his body. "And what would he be feeling in this moment, Alexander?"

  
  


"I—I'm not... sure," Alec trails, his adam's apple bobbing with the nearly audible gulp. Everything about this man makes Magnus flood with desire and he feels such a strong and powerful hatred inside of him that he was too late to stop that wedding. "Confusion, I guess."

  
  


"Confusion?" Magnus repeats the word slowly and he watches Alec's gaze as it takes in the features of Magnus' face, not a hint of repulsion or anger tarnishing the adoration he sees. He knows that it's reflected back at Alec but he wonders if he has the cognizance to see it.

  
  


"You confuse me, Magnus." Alec's breath is shaky. "You're my friend."

  
  


Magnus' smile falters and the harsh reality crashes around him yet again. He steps back, allowing Alec the space that they both honestly need right now.

  
  


A soft chuckle escapes his lips, it’s strained and defies what a laugh should be but it’s all he can think of to keep himself together. It’s taking all of him not to break, and though it’s hard he knows Alec will be thankful for his restraint in the end. He dances around to the other side of the table, quickly drawing the cue back and hitting the ball all wrong in an obviously intentional scratch. "Ah, seems it's your turn."

  
  


Alec watches him and Magnus sometimes feels like all they do is watch each other, balanced precariously in the middle of this game they’re playing under the guise of friendship. Reading the other's emotions that they’re both trying so hard, and failing at, to hide from each other. It's only for them, these sad looks awash with hope and need and oh so many things that words don’t give enough justice to. And that's all they'll ever be. Magnus won't allow himself anything more than a few casual touches and his eyes wandering all along the heavenly body in front of him, and that's enough. It has to be.

  
  


There's no world in which Magnus isn't beside Alec, no matter the circumstances. He won't let himself ruin this.

  
  


\--

  
  


"Magnus, we're all out of coffee."

  
  


Jace's gruff voice carries across the kitchen and Magnus doesn’t even have to blink as he swishes his hand in a slow loop to conjure the a new container of his favorite coffee. When it was just him in the loft he hardly ran out of anything (and honestly preferred fresh ground coffee beans but that’s not important), but with Jace around and his shadowhunter appetite rapidly depleting Magnus' inventory he might as well buy a whole supermarket. A startled laugh and a quick 'Thanks!' from Jace allows Magnus the peace of mind to return to the book perched in his hand.

  
  


"Does he at least pay you back for all the stuff he eats?"

  
  


Magnus tears his eyes away from the _very invigorating_ pages in front of him to glance to his side where Alec is lounging casually on the sofa they’re both occupying with a thick brow arched questioningly. His legs are long and lean and warm against Magnus' own, his choice in pants today a tighter fit than usual. The typical black shirt does nothing to hide the muscles that ripple underneath when he shifts, and the runes along his arms and neck contrast sharply against the pale of his skin. Magnus tries not to lick his lips at how delicious the sight in front of him is, and how he’d like to splay his fingers along every expanse of exposed skin he can reach.

  
  


"My dear, I would never ask a friend in need for something as trivial as money. Besides, who said anything about paying for it?"

  
  


His eyes crinkle in a smile and Alec has to stop the lopsided grin from forming as he tries to give Magnus a stern look. His stomach flip-flops at the sight and when in the world did his body become so responsive to one person? He knows Alec hates when he steals things by conjuring them, but there has to be some perks to this whole warlock business.

  
  


He feels the pressure and warmth of Alec's hand on his shoulder, feels the gentle squeeze against his own muscles and his smile slips. They touch each other like this often, friendly gestures that hold more meaning than they should, but it’s usually Magnus that’s reaching out. There’s a reason it’s always Magnus initiating anything and it has little to do with Lydia and everything to do with how heightened his senses become when Alec touches him first, like the air is pulled straight from his lungs and all Magnus can do is just gaze up at Alec like a smitten puppy.

  
  


"Thank you for letting Jace stay here with you. It really means a lot to me that you're willing to open up your home to him."

  
  


Magnus is suddenly very aware of just how hard his heart is beating in his chest, and he knows that's not normal. Normal for him when Alec is around, yes, but not normal for _just_ _friends_.

  
  


Alec's hand squeezes once more and Magnus lifts his own to rest atop. "I would open up my home to the whole Institute for you." He's joking, at least he hopes that it comes off as a joke, because if he's being truthful he doesn't know if he could ever turn down any request Alec could bring to him. The Institute could crumble this very moment but if Alec asked him he knows he’d do anything, just for moments like these. Moments where they can sit together without the weight of the world looming over their shoulders, without obligations to Lydia, and family expectations.

  
  


"Magnus," Alec sighs, his eyes flickering to their hands and he knows any moment Alec will pull away. So he clasps their hands together and moves them to rest in the small space between them on the couch cushions before any signal of a protest begins. His thumb smooths lines across Alec's hand and he feels the shiver tremble through Alec’s hand and fingers and into his body. He watches the battle going on in front of him, sees Alec bite his bottom lip and he feels the dreaded flutter inside of him at the sight, wanting nothing more than to reach out and take that very lip between his own teeth.

  
  


When Magnus thinks Alec is finally going to say something, a loud buzz comes from the end table beside Alec. Magnus shifts back in his seat when Alec moves to grab his phone, taking in his surroundings and a deep breath to clear his head. He remembers that Jace is only a few feet away brewing some coffee for the three of them, and though it feels like it’s been an hour time has passed by incredibly slow.

  
  


He takes this moment of distraction to reminisce about the past few weeks. How he had hoped with all of him that his underdeveloped plan to keep Alec near him would work, he never could have predicted how successful it would be. They spend more time together than he ever expected them to, especially now that Jace is living with Magnus after being forced out of the Institute.

  
  


Most of his mornings begin with the sight of Alec at his door, freshly showered and wide awake at 8am to get a start on discussing missions and researching with his parabatai while Magnus does his own research nearby. Sometime he'll brew potions or work on spells in the next room over but he's never far and on the days that both Jace and Alec are gone he turns the music up extra loud to drown out the loneliness he feels in the empty space he calls his home.

  
  


Clary shows up often enough that he has some of her favorite snacks in the pantry, and he’s pleased with how comfortable the two of them have become around each other. Some nights he even entertains the whole group of them, filling them with hefty amounts of vodka and gin and soaking up all the happy smiles and laughter. He feels like he is a part of something when he’s with them, something big and extraordinary and so very lovely.

  
  


And sometimes the whole night is shattered for Magnus by the pitying looks Isabelle doesn’t think he sees when she catches his lingering gaze on Alec. She knows how deep Magnus has gotten himself, but she knows better than to confront a centuries old warlock about the intricacies of pining for someone you can't have. She doesn’t understand, she couldn’t even possibly begin to fathom the workings of an immortal heart.

  
  


Other nights it's ruined when Lydia makes an appearance, deciding that as the new Mrs. Lightwood she too should be included on her husband's outings with his friends. She's not wrong, and Magnus can't fault her for trying to connect with a group this incomparable to any others. There’s just something about this combination of downworlders and shadowhunters that perfectly balances out into a seriously fun night. Under different circumstances he would find her positively precious, but as it stands she's the only barrier between his heart and Alec’s and he hates her for it. But Magnus is nothing if not a gracious host and those nights that Lydia invites herself over Magnus makes it a point to loop their elbows together and lead her across the room to sit directly between himself and her husband.

  
  


Magnus doesn't look Alec in the eyes when this happens, he refuses to accept the betrayed and crestfallen look for fear that his own heart might actually crack and he’ll have to kick Lydia out. So instead he looks at his glass and makes the next drink even stronger so that maybe he can dull the aching with a good time.

  
  


"It's Lydia," Alec brings him out of his thoughts and the fingers encased within Magnus' slip free to tap away at his phone. "She wants to meet up for lunch. I--" he pauses, seemingly torn. "I should go."

  
  


Magnus offers a sad knowing smile and nods, both of them standing simultaneously and heading towards the entrance to the loft, taking with them the lingering feeling of an opportunity that died before it could bloom. Magnus, ever the gentleman, pulls the door open for Alec. But it doesn’t open, and Magnus raises a brow at the firm hand on the edge of the door that prevents the next step in their farewell. Alec is staring at him with an unexpected intensity, lips pursed and his jaw clenching in a clear attempt to keep in whatever thoughts are threatening to come to life and all Magnus can think is _yes, please_.

  
  


The moment is intimate and short-lived, filled with unsaid words that don't dare to spill over into reality for fear of the consequences. Magnus knows what's on the other side of that bridge and he's grateful to see that he's not alone, feels the companionship of a soul that’s missing something too. Alec lifts his other hand, fingers twitching with what Magnus can discern as barely restrained want but stops short of his face. He could lean in to the comfort of the warm, calloused hand but Magnus refuses to put anymore of his heart out there than he already has.

  
  


Resigned, Magnus doesn't want to look at Alec anymore. His chest hurts too much and he doesn't think he can stand to see his feelings mirrored in front of him with no hope of becoming attainable in sight. Instead he stares down and waits for Alec to leave, which he ultimately does with a sigh.

  
  


He's not sure how long he stands there before Jace steps out of the kitchen with his eyebrows furrowed and a tray with 3 cups of coffee. "Did Alec leave already?"

  
  


"Duty calls," Magnus sets a fake smile in place and clicks the door shut before helping Jace set the tray down, delicately grabbing what he presumes to be his cup. He takes a sip and feels the burn of liquor and hot coffee slide down his throat, a pain far more tolerable and easily remedied. "Ah, the perfect cup of coffee! You know if this whole shadowhunter business falls through you could always take up barista work."

  
  


Jace takes a beat to offer Magnus the same doleful smile Isabelle always seems to wear and though they aren't blood relatives he sees the resemblance now. "I'll consider it," Jace responds, reaching for his own cup and tipping it towards Magnus before taking a sip. He’s not stupid, Magnus knows they’re parabatai and Jace doesn’t let on how much he really knows, but he’s smart enough to stay out of it.

  
  


\--

  
  


Pandemonium is less and less becoming one of Magnus' favorite places to spend his free nights.

  
  


It's not the beat of the music pumping through his body, or the hundreds of people writhing and sliding and do all sorts of sinful things on the dance floor. It's not the flow of liquor that transfers between the throngs of people, people who just want to _feel_ nothing and everything all at once. On the contrary, Magnus loves it all. He loves sitting in the shadows and living through each and every life that sparks into existence right in front of him. A few months ago he lived for nights like these.

  
  


With a sigh, Magnus takes a hefty gulp of his bourbon, and lifts his eyes to meet the eager blue ones that have been trying to get his attention for the past hour. If he squints and tries hard to imagine it, this guy could pass as a poor attempt at Alec Lightwood, and that’s all the requirement Magnus needs to lift a perfectly manicured and ringed finger to beckon the young man over.

  
  


The blue eyes widen in surprise and the man stumbles over hurriedly, coming to stand in front of Magnus in what he probably thinks is an attractive pose but just comes off awkward. It’s not his favorite thing that the first thought in his mind is that the gracelessness of this man contradicts the image of him being similar to the shadowhunter. But that’s not why Magnus is here tonight, and his eyes rake over the body before him, making a mental tally of everything that matches his checklist. Fit, but not chiseled in a way that would imply rigorous training against demon attacks. The man is tall, to his credit, and his jeans did good enough things to his form but there was something about him that was so… _mundane_.

  
  


With a gestured hand, the beautiful woman sitting to his left shifts aside to make enough space for this perfectly average, good-enough newcomer, and Magnus has to argue with himself that his scale of comparison was not bias. Not at all.

  
  


"I don't believe we've met," he greets charmingly.

  
  


The man seems in awe of him, leaning desperately close to his side enough that Magnus can smell the hint of vodka coming off of his breath. Best to keep lowering his expectations, then. "You're so hot," the man blurts, unabashed, and Magnus momentarily feels a twinge of disappointment that he doesn’t shy away in embarrassment with color hot on his cheeks like Alec would have. This isn’t Alec.

  
  


"Yes, and you still yet to have a name."

  
  


"Peter," the man supplies hurriedly, his lips parting in wonderment when Magnus brushes the lightest touch of his fingertips along his jawbone. This could be fun and it’s been so many months since Magnus has given himself permission to fall back into the flow of feeling another person’s pleasure.

  
  


"Well Peter," Magnus purrs out his next few words sinfully into the damp anxious skin of the man’s neck as he draws his teeth to the pierced earlobe. "As you said, I’m so… hot. What do you say we get out of here?"

  
  


Magnus feels the rush of air and lack of heat before he connects the dots to realize Peter has been shoved roughly to the floor of the club, his shout of anger barely loud enough to pierce through the blaring music. Black boots next to Peter’s disgruntled face is the first thing Magnus notices before he trails his eyes up the sensually long legs, toned abdomen, and furious smolder Alec is gracing him with tonight. He can’t help but lick his lips in response to the eye candy he’s staring at, Alec’s muscles flexing and so _masculine_ as he shifts into his domineering pose of clasping his hands behind him.

  
  


"Alexander,” he can’t keep the sultry lilt out of his voice, and the reaction it has on the shadowhunter is well worth the risk. “What did I do to deserve the Gods bestowing an Angel on me tonight?”

  
  


“Clave business,” comes the gruff answer, Alec’s eyes suddenly everywhere but on him, though Magnus can see the light dusting of red across his face at the open flirting.

  
  


“I was under the impression you had a family dinner to attend tonight with your beautiful wife this fine evening."

  
  


To say that Alec's expression was scathing when he finally deigned the warlock with a look was an understatement.

  
  


"Were you going to let that guy take you home?"

  
  


"Of course not.” Magnus’ answer comes out as though its the most obvious thing in the world. He swirls his bourbon and sinks lower into his seat, stretching his legs out enough that he sees Alec’s resolution to take him in waning until it cracks. And suddenly Alec’s eyes are all over him hungry and provoked, and Magnus feels raw and exposed in a way he hasn’t felt in centuries. He has to speak through a lump in his throat to get the next words out because he knows he’s toying dangerously with this tightrope they’re walking on, knowing that if it snaps there’s no going back. "The High Warlock of Brooklyn would never be so irresponsible. I was simply going to take young Peter here to the back and have a little fun."

  
  


The intensity in Alec’s gaze is so hot and all too much for Magnus right now so he fuels his intoxication with the rest of his drink, the glass threatening to shatter under the sexual tension around them.

  
  


"A little fun?" Alec repeats, twisting his mouth like the words themselves hold a bad taste. He scoffs and looks around the room once more, shifting on his heels and Magnus realizes that he is making sure Peter is gone, a fact he had yet to even pay half a mind to. He feels a swell in his chest and he brings himself up to circle around Alec’s rigid frame like an animal rounding on it’s prey. _How fitting a comparison_ , Magnus thinks wryly.

  
  


"Alexander," he ghosts his breath over the back of Alec's neck, not withholding a little bit of magic to draw out the shiver from the other man, a shiver that Magnus echoes when he hears the miniscule whimper leave Alec’s lips. The knowledge that he can have such an effect on the stoic shadowhunter spurs him on to be more adventurous and he slinks his hands to the narrow hips in front of him, his fingers itching to touch the smooth skin. "Are you jealous?"

  
  


"N-No!" Alec stammers, closing himself off even more, no doubt to Magnus that it’s to protect himself and this _friendship_ they’ve sheltered from the undercurrent of attraction and longing that can’t help but spark up when they’re in proximity.

  
  


Magnus knows that Alec is doing this for the both of them, hiding any truth behind Magnus’ teasing words for fear of what could become of their lives, of Alec’s life, should they tip over into reality. He knows he should pull back, pull away from the hot scent of Alec’s cologne infiltrating his senses and lowering all his willpower to stop. The alcohol hasn’t helped and the flame’s of Alec’s jealousy are clear and wild in his mind that he seems to lose the filter that tells him to stop. "It's okay, Alexander. Let yourself feel it. Let me in."

  
  


Alec's body whips around so quickly Magnus has to remind himself that this man is a soldier, deadly and trained in combat, and that thought shouldn’t turn him on but it does. The grip on his arms is so tight where Alec is clutching him like he might float away if he doesn’t anchor himself, but what a poor anchor Magnus is because he can’t even stop his own mind and body from floating away from all rational thought.

  
  


A gentle weight against his forehead that deviates from the harsh pressure at every other point of contact between them brings Magnus through the fuzziness of his liquor-addled mind and he watches Alec’s eyes flutter shut, wants to watch and count each delicately long eyelash until he goes crazy. Maybe he already has gone crazy because there’s no Pandemonium anymore, the music is lost in the blur of background and all he is in this moment, all he ever wants to be, is Alec’s.

  
  


"Fuck, Magnus." Alec growls a low rumble in his throat, the sound vibrating through every bone in Magnus' body. It’s the single hottest thing he’s heard in hundreds of years, probably in forever, and his knees feel shaky at the notion. He can feel his hands getting slicker with the mixture of nerves and body heat and he holds on tighter to Alec, knowing that he’s going to leave bruises on the perfectly pale skin and tries to fight off the urge to do more.

  
  


He wants to make a quip, say something witty or suggestive, to throw off the energy between them so they can go back to the calm drizzle of friends that they had jumped into, instead of this raging tsunami that they were currently stuck in the middle of. But nothing comes to mind that isn’t self-deprecation and jealous because now the alcohol is twisting him into a rain cloud of emotions that he’s trying so hard to get a grip of. He’s the High Warlock of Brooklyn, he’s lived for centuries and loved and lost many. Why and how was Alec Lightwood bringing down all of his barriers and every wall he hand-crafted to protect himself and his heart? Why a _shadowhunter_ of all people?

  
  


Was this worth it? Was all of this temptation and silent suffering from the both of them worth the heartache just for the naive promise of companionship?

  
  


How badly Magnus wants to just tilt his chin up and bring their lips together. They’re so close, closer than they’ve ever been before and his whole body needs this, as if Alec is the only source of magic in this whole room and Magnus is starving for it. Alec is the only person in this whole world who can alleviate this hunger that Magnus feels in his blood, yet he’s the only person that Magnus _has_ to hold at a distance.

  
  


_No,_ Magnus concludes. _This isn’t worth it anymore._

  
  


With a sick feeling in his gut, Magnus pulls himself away from Alec and hastily forms a portal back to his loft.

  
  


"Goodnight, Alexander."

  
  


The words are wrenched from his throat as though they’re not coming from him, and the ache in his chest feels so heavy it’s a wonder he can even form words at all. Without waiting for a response or even a chanced look at Alec, Magnus steps through the portal and into his home. The air is dry and shocking to his body after the intense humidity of the nightclub, and as Magnus falls onto the floor he tries not to think about how it’s not the sudden change in room temperature that has his body wracked and sobbing.

  
  


The Law is hard but it is the Law, and the Law says that Alexander Gideon Lightwood and Lydia Branwell are husband and wife. They’re just two pieces on a chess board, two pawns used for politics that he has no part and no right to be a factor in. It isn’t fair to any of them, but fairness doesn't matter when it comes to shadowhunters, and Magnus Bane is just a silly warlock madly in love with the one person he can’t have.

  
  


\--

  
  


Life became complicated after that night at Pandemonium.

  
  


Magnus never did find out what Alec had come to find him for under the guise of ‘Clave business’, but more pressing things had happened and Magnus had found himself thrown into searching out Valentine to destroy the Soul-Sword, although it had started more as an attempt to keep everyone from assassinating Biscuit. Throughout all of it Alec had hardly spoken more than a few words to him, seemingly attached at the hip to Lydia. In fact, everyone seemed paired up nowadays and though this was every downworlder's fight just as much as the shadowhunters, if not more, Magnus couldn’t help feeling left out of all the crucial moments and information that everyone else seemed privy to, even Raphael and Meliorn.

  
  


_The future is never guaranteed,_ Magnus reminds himself as he searches through the halls of the Institute to find someone, _anyone_ , that he’s been looking for and comes face to face with a scared Madzie. He feels a paternal pang in his heart as he beckons her over to the safety of his portal to Catarina’s house, the only place he can trust in this moment for a downworlder with ties to Valentine.

  
  


He feels the shock wave course through his body as he steps into Catarina’s living room and for a fraction of a second he attributes it to his method of travel before his stomach drops heavy with the loss of so many lives. Catarina senses it too, and they share a look of dazed fear at the implication of what this feeling means. The sword is activated and Valentine is one step closer to downworld genocide.

  
  


Despite the fact that Magnus and every other downworlder is in danger, the vivid image of one shadowhunter features in his head and he starts to twist his face with worry and uncertainty. He’s here to keep Madzie and Catarina safe but at the moment the only two people in front of him are the furthest from his mind and out of the corner of his eyes he can see the tendrils of blue sweeping around him anxiously, not knowing if Alec was safe or even alive.

  
  


"Go to him, Magnus,” Catarina says softly, a comforting hand on his shoulder reigns his magic back in. “Make sure he's safe." It’s all the reassurance he needs to send himself back to find Alec.

  
  


The state of the Institute is a frenzied panic, some run past him shell-shocked and crying, and Magnus knows he fits that description, he can feel the tears stinging his eyes and his vision blurry with worry and fear because it feels like it’s been a good ten minutes of searching for Alec and he still hasn’t found him. His traitorous mind conjures the worst images, and Magnus becomes frantic, his breathing labored and his heart thudding painfully and _please_ _–_

  
  


"Magnus," a tight grip on his wrist pulls him out of his stupor and into strong, warm arms.

  
  


At first Magnus tries to struggle out of the constricting hold around him but then he gasps a lungful of familiar cologne, one that he will only ever relate to Alec Lightwood, and he feels his body slump in relief.

  
  


"Alec--" he chokes out. "Alexander, you're okay."

  
  


"I should be the one saying that to you, Magnus. _By the Angel_ \--" Alec breaks off, his hands rising to hold Magnus' face delicately in his hands as he presses their foreheads together, his hair sweaty and mussed and _perfect_. "I thought you died." Alec's words waver like the last shred of resolve that Magnus has on his self-control, the only thing keeping him from crashing his lips to this beautiful man in front of him that make him feel stronger and more vulnerable than he’s ever been in his life. "I was so scared. So scared – you don't understand. I can't lose you Magnus, I won't. I've – I’ve never felt like that, not on any of the missions I've been on before, not ever."

  
  


"I'm here," he hears himself whisper, and the whole situation feels unreal, like he’s in both a nightmare and a dream and he’s conflicted on if he should let himself drift away or wake up. He raises a trembling hand to rest against Alec’s on his face, needing _more_. _Anything._ "I'm not going anywhere. Never, as long as you want me around."

  
  


Alec opens his eyes at the touch, filled with so many emotions that Magnus wants to stay here forever just to decipher each and every one, tears clinging to the longest eyelashes he has ever seen. It almost feels like a sin to stare back at such a heavenly sight, as though Alec’s magnificence is too bright it’s blinding, but Magnus knows in no world would he ever willingly want to turn away, not now after everything that’s happened.

  
  


"I love you."

  
  


_Stupid Magnus,_ is his first thought, but with a sudden start he realizes the words didn’t come from him.

  
  


All too soon he feels hot and suffocated, stifling in the warmth of his and Alec’s hands on his face, but it’s such a delicious feeling he doesn’t want to pull away. He wants to dive deeper still, to feel Alec’s hands and body all over his, to wrap Magnus up in the sauna of his proclaimed love. And by the Angel indeed, what did he do to deserve existing in the same time as Alec Lightwood?

  
  


Magnus' fingers lift of their own accord to brush gentle knuckles along the high cheekbones of Alec’s face, unintentionally swiping away the remaining tears in their path. Alec is so beautiful in front of him. So beautiful and open and _here_ for Magnus that the little sliver of will-power he held close snaps with such ferocity that he almost falls forward.

  
  


And maybe he does actually fall forward because in all of his internal struggle Magnus doesn’t notice that his lips are brushing against Alec’s in the softest kiss he’s ever been given. The pleasure seeps into his skin and his heart takes off in a sputtering beat as it soars high above the rational and logical part of his mind that tells him this is wrong. Because how could something like this ever be wrong? How could this feeling of being so utterly complete and whole not be right?

  
  


Alec and Magnus are two separate beings that were destined to meet and fall in love, there’s no doubting how true and powerful that statement feels now that he has the affection of the young nephilim smothering him with too much and not enough at the same time. For so many months Magnus believed that he could stand beside Alec as just a friend and nothing more, but here in this moment with Alec pressed against him, he knows he could never go back to that.

  
  


They’re past balance and pretending now, waves of desire rolling off of them as they clutch at each other desperately, throwing out months worth of work and heartache and Magnus honestly can’t be bothered to care any more. Not when he can smell and taste and feel Alec’s lips on his own, feverish and needy in all the ways Magnus has been struggling to keep to himself. It’s uninhibited and honest and so, _so right_ , that when Magnus pulls back to breathe his head is dizzy and swimming with thirst for more.

  
  


“I love you too,” Magnus whispers, the sweetest pecks stolen between words by Alec’s thieving lips. The wide, crooked smile he receives forces Magnus to close his eyes because Alec is too gorgeous to look at right now. Not when everything he’s wanted is suddenly real and in his reach and opening his eyes means it could all fade away in front of him like a dream.

  
  


Magnus doesn’t know what this means for them, or what consequences they’ll have to navigate through, but they’ll do it together. He’s never allowed himself to be placed in a situation like this before, and he knows that he never will again because nothing and no one will compare to this moment, _this love_. Alec is once in a lifetime for Magnus, and with the way that the world has been shaped to draw the two of them together through all of this madness, Magnus suspects Alec feels the same about him.

  
  


Maybe the way Alec pulls him back in for another heated kiss proves that point enough, but Magnus likes to think it’s a little bit more magical than that.

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  



End file.
